100 Themes
by coughdropcoloredvelvet
Summary: 100 Themes for Kaze Hikaru!


To be honest, I'm not really a fan of these words (zest AND zeal? placid, tranquil, serenity, AND calm? really?), and I will probably eventually pick another set of words that I like more.

**There are lots of spoilers, from volume 1 allllll the way to volume 34, along with historical evidence. You've been warned.**

I think that most of these are fairly canon, but I did decide to take some...poetic license with quite a few of them.

They're mostly about Sei and/or Souji, who belong to the wonderful Taeko Watanabe, not me. :P

Anyway, I hope that you enjoy these, and please give me suggestions where you see fit. I've just started writing again, so please forgive some of the sloppiness. I'm sure that I'll end up rewriting this at some point.

1. Birth

Every time she wrapped her bindings, or heard yet another person remark on how a feature of hers was "just like a girl's," it occurred to Sei just how unfair the circumstances of one's birth could be; had she just been born a boy, her life would have been so much easier!

2. Enthusiasm

As much as it pains him, Shinpachi visits the memorial he erected for Kondou and Hijikata as often as he can, wishing that more people had believed in their enthusiasm as much as he did.

3. Love

Before she got to know Souji, Sei didn't believe in romantic love; she thought it was something meant for girls who were only good for having babies, but now whenever Souji smiles at her, she understands just how very wrong she was.

4. Hate

Souji had never hated himself this much until Hijikata told him that Sei was going undercover as a girl, and he finally grasped that even silly actions, like taking a risqué picture, can have terrifying consequences.

5. Triumph

Kondou dreams of triumphing over the people who wish to westernize his beloved country, because who in their right mind would rather pull a trigger than swing a sword?

6. Feel

Running her fingers over the fabric of her kimono, Sei once again mentally reviews her cover story for her first (and last, really) mission as a spy.

7. Wrecked

Sei knew that people thought her body was wrecked, as she had two large scars on her back, but it only hurt whenever Souji recoiled; he only cringed because he knew that he shouldn't have let her earn either of them.

8. Soft

No matter how hard she worked, and he was well aware that she cleaned the floors every morning, Souji always noticed just how soft Sei's skin was, and he was reminded that, as much as she tried to be masculine, she would always be a girl.

9. Cold

As soon as she catches word that the rest of the men are taking hot baths, Sei purses her lips together and pulls her haori tighter, rattling off the bogus excuse Matsumoto gave her whenever someone asks her about it.

10. Without

Without Kondou, Hijikata _knows_ that there was no way he would have been able to survive his battle with tuberculosis all of those years ago.

11. Inspiration

He would rather die than let the troop know that he pens haikus, and yet Hijikata still finds himself taking time out of his day to observe nature, waiting for something to inspire the next one.

12. You

In her sleep, Sei mumbled, "I like you"; the next day, even after badgering him, she couldn't figure out why Souji couldn't stop grinning.

13. Confused

Souji is confused as to why his heart beats a little faster and his face flushes whenever she leans in a little too close, or whenever she smiles and her entire face lights up; he chalks it up to eating too many sweets.

14. Affection

Sei wonders why Souji used to smell her, pick her up, and otherwise aggravate her, but now he just blushes and runs away, mumbling something about troop duties.

15. Joy

Even though she knows that he would think that it was girly and stupid, Sei still smiles whenever she remembers the time Souji hugged her and said, "Sei!"

16. Horror

Given his occupation, Souji has witnessed plenty of gruesome sights, but Saitou informing him that Sei was dead was a new brand of horror.

17. Acceptance

At first, Sei finds it odd that it was so easy to accept the fact that she could die tomorrow, and yet she refuses to accept that for Souji, but then she realizes what that feeling is called and sighs, knowing he'll never be able to reciprocate it; as he watches his own blood pool into his hands and can feel it dripping down his chin, it finally registers that he feels the same way about her.

18. Sympathy

Akesato is certain that no one is capable of sympathizing with Sei the same way she does; she knows just how painful loving a stupid, stupid samurai can be.

19. Holding

No one knows how tightly they held each other when Souji kissed her and Sei kissed him back; they were so entwined in one another that they completely forgot what could have happened if the wrong person saw them.

20. Defeated

Saitou would rather be defeated by a frog wielding only a kiseru than be kissed by Souji again, and after many trials, has accepted that no amount of alcohol will ever wash that memory from his mind.

21. Pride

Sei just couldn't bring herself to swallow her pride and simply let Souji go to his marriage interview; she didn't exactly expect her life to be threatened, or Saitou's for that matter, but she would easily do it again.

22. Knife

Only Sei knows that Akesato always carries a knife with her, and when she asked her why, Akesato just smiled and said that as much as she loved Yamanami, she isn't _quite_ ready to see him yet.

23. Overwhelmed

Years ago, if someone had assigned Sei half of the duties she currently had, the feeling of being in over her head would have made her cry and beg Yuuma to help; she can't help but feel proud when she notices just how much she's grown.

24. Depressed

Whenever Mabo is sleeping, Akesato imagines what would have become of the two of them if he had never supported her during her darkest hour, and she shudders.

25. Adoration

Occasionally, whenever Sei notices just how much children adore Souji and Souji adores children, her mind will wander...

26. Worship

Glancing outside, Hijikata furrows his eyebrows and sighs loudly when he spots Souji aggravating Sei again; when would he realize that the boy worships the ground he walks on?

27. Zeal

Everyone has a passion for something: Souji loves swordsmanship, Matsumoto loves healing people, but Sei loves both, and she doesn't know if she can continue to take _and_ save lives.

28. Light

He knows that she was going to die anyway, but Souji still feels responsible for how quickly the light faded from Kohana's eyes.

29. Exhaustion

Being a spy was exhausting at times, but knowing that he was trusted with such sensitive information was an honor that Saitou wasn't sure he deserved.

30. Obsession

Sometimes, Saitou will think about Yukiya's brief obsession with him, and questions what cruel deity thought unrequited love was a good idea.

31. Rage

He may be prone to outbursts, but Hijikata couldn't remember the last time so much rage had filled him so quickly the moment he realized that Sei had been hiding Souji's illness from him.

32. Empty

When Sei saw that her father and Yuuma were dead, the utter hollowness that rocked through her forced her to knees, and all she could do was scream and scream, begging them not to leave her alone.

33. Anger

As much as he tries to ignore it, Saitou still feels a twinge of anger whenever Souji says something especially stupid, because how could Sei be in love with such a complete_ idiot_?

34. Fury

After watching Sei fall, Souji did not hesitate to split that bastard's head in two.

35. Delight

No one really understood the delight Hijikata took in being with "ugly" women, especially because he was so handsome, but no one was really willing to criticize him about it, either.

36. Submission

Saitou was not one to submit to people, but when that man held his blade to Sei's throat, he dropped his weapon and surrendered.

37. Infatuation

Sei was infatuated with Souji when she was 15 and naive, but what she feels for him now is something else entirely.

38. Anticipation

The anticipation Sei and Souji felt while waiting for Harada's and Masa's son to be born was nerve-racking; privately, they both considered what it would be like to be in the proud parents' position.

39. Pessimistic

This lifestyle made it very easy to be pessimistic, which is why the men enjoyed drinking copious amounts of sake and regularly visiting brothels, so they could briefly forget about their duties, as well as the faces of the men they had killed that week.

40. Jolly

Hijikata intentionally balances out Kondou's jolliness with his own anger and bad attitude; after all, someone has to be the bad guy.

41. Grasping

He used to have nice dreams about flying with Kondou or playing with Kuma, but now Souji dreams about _her_, and wakes up grasping his futon a little too tightly.

42. Agitation

Matsumoto finds Souji to be one of the single most agitating people he has ever had the misfortune of meeting, and all he wants is for him to just finally shut the hell up and marry Sei already.

43. Calm

It's difficult, but Souji tries very, very hard to stay calm whenever his coughing turns violent and he can feel his chest tighten more than he thought was possible, just so Sei panics a little less.

44. Astonished

It is astonishing to Hijikata that no one else seems to see just how feminine Sei has become, until it occurs to him that maybe _he's_ the only one who notices, and he isn't sure what he should make of that.

45. Loneliness

If given the choice, Sei would much rather die in battle than die from loneliness, because being struck down would be faster and, more importantly, less painful.

46. Lust

For Itou, it was her lovely face; for Saitou, it was her pearly legs; and for Souji, although he would never admit it, it was the pleasant way her torso dipped on both sides, making the way her hips flared all the more appealing (and even then, he would rather say _that_ than it was really because he knew he was the only man who would ever get to see her in such a way).

47. Longing

Souji didn't know just how much he had longed to touch her until he was finally able to hug her, elated that she was alive and uninjured, and, god dammit, they were both so distracted that they let Sakamoto Ryouma escape.

48. Tender

Due to the lack of women in her life, Sei was always surprised by just how tender Akesato's touches were while she adjusted a pin in her hair and tied her obi.

49. Hard

It was hard for Saitou to accept that Sei's heart belonged to Souji, that that idiot was the only one who could ever make her truly happy, and that he could never change that.

50. Rebirth

After watching Kohana live a lonely life, and then die a cruel, painful death, Souji often prays that her next life will be much kinder to her.

51. Amused

Souji sometimes amuses himself by tickling Sei, who is still too young to tell the person she thinks she's in love with, "Stop it!"

52. Broken

They've broken so many troop regulations and told so many lies at this point, that sneaking around and choosing their words carefully has become second nature to them.

53. Abused

Whenever winter rolls around, Sei will think about Suigetsunu-sama, the woman who was abused by her first husband; she then remembers the man who loved her so, so much, that he spilled blood so she wouldn't have to dirty her own hands.

54. Tranquil

Because Ryouma was always traveling, and he always returned safely, Oryou wasn't even remotely worried about his next trip, and was actually glad that she would get to spend some time by herself; the moment she heard that he had been assassinated, however, that feeling of tranquility was quickly wiped away.

55. Composed

Saitou finds it amusing that he is often complimented for his ability to remain composed (even after countless cups of sake), making him a more than competent spy; if only they knew how many buckets of water he had drenched himself with because of Sei...

056. Glad

For now, Kondou is glad that his troops seem more than happy to serve him, but he has no idea how ugly things will soon become, nor could he ever predict that even some of his own captains will eventually abandon the Shinsengumi.

57. Stress

During patrols, sometimes Sei will overhear a girl bickering with her stressed father about his poor taste in potential husbands, and she silently thanks the gods that she doesn't have to deal with trying to find her _own_ husband.

58. Serenity

When Sei seems especially sad, Souji will lead her away from everyone else and to the tree they enjoy sitting in, and hold her until the tears stop stinging her eyes.

59. Colorful

It took her a while to adjust, but now Sei can't possibly imagine herself anywhere other than with this group of rather "colorful" men.

60. Coping

Coping with the news of Souji's illness was hard for everyone in the troop, even for the Oni Vice-Captain, who maybe wasn't such an oni after all.

61. Boisterous

Most people wouldn't have agreed with him because of her boisterous nature, but Souji knows that she would have been a perfect wife; he also knows that he would not have been the husband she deserved.

62. Placid

Being around placid people really bored Sei, especially the women she had to pretend to flirt with, and all she could imagine was getting back to Souji, who, as annoying as he could be, was the exact opposite of placid.

63. Tired

Sei still blushes whenever she thinks about what could have happened if Souji hadn't been fallen asleep during that night in Shimabara...little does she know, he does too.

64. Bliss

Every time Souji manages to return from his duties, despite his illness, Sei can't help but feel a warm wave of bliss, because they were able to pull off yet another miracle.

65. Neglect

For years, Sei thought that her father had simply neglected her, her mother, and Yuuma; when Matsumoto told her the reality of the situation, there was nothing on this earth that could have stopped the tears from rolling down her face, or eased the regret she felt.

66. Fine

He insists that he's fine, but Matsumoto knows better, and demands Souji to tell him if he can feel even a_ hint_ of pain when he breathes.

67. Question

Every time she hears him wheeze, Sei silently curses herself for not questioning Souji just a little bit more about that very first cough.

68. Energetic

The men immediately noticed Sei's and Souji's absence; the energy that used to flow through the troop just wasn't there anymore.

69. Noble

Sei used to wish that she would die before Souji, so she wouldn't have to live without him; now that she's been appointed to heal him, she knows that she has to stay alive, and that somehow feels nobler.

70. Disgust

After learning the nature of Kondou's death, Souji is disgusted with himself; sick or not, he should have protected him!

71. Lively

Toudou Heisuke was a lively, kind person, who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

72. Power

Even now, after years of training, Sei is still surprised by the amount of power she feels whenever she picks up a weapon.

73. Pity

Saitou pities Hijikata; even though his best friend is dead, and his other friend is slowly dying, he has to maintain a front for the rest of the troop.

74. Humiliation

Although listening to Sakamoto Ryouma explain why Sei getting her horse meant that she was healthy may not have been her most humiliating moment, it was at least in the top 10.

75. Satisfied

Matsumoto was satisfied with Souji's progress, and as much as he loved seeing Sei happy, he still reminded her not to get too excited, just in case.

76. Thankful

As blunt as he is, Matsumoto knows that he could never properly express how thankful he was when he learned that Sei was still alive, even if she was hopelessly in love with that nitwit.

77. Hyper

While Saitou and Hijikata didn't have a lot in common, there was one thing they shared: they absolutely HATED being around Sei and Souji when they were both hyper, and quite frankly couldn't think of anything more annoying than hearing them babbling complete _nonsense_ to each other.

78. Goosebumps

She knows that he didn't mean anything by it, and it was really just because he was cold or having a weird dream about Kuma, but Sei still gets goosebumps whenever she thinks about the times she woke up in Souji's arms.

79. Worthless

Now that he is on strict bed rest, Souji has never felt more worthless, especially when the other captains are more than happy to oversee his shifts, and he _knows_ it's because they feel sorry for him.

80. Remorse

As Hijikata bleeds out onto the dirt, his lower back hopelessly shattered, the only thing that crosses his mind is the remorse that has haunted him for not being able to save his friends, which was infinitely more painful than the bullet inside of him.

81. Degraded

Understandably, Sei has mixed feelings about dressing as a woman; it was hard to run in that damn kimono, the hair and makeup took forever, and men were even creepier than usual, but sometimes she would notice Souji looking at her in_ that_ way, and suddenly none of that mattered.

82. Revenge

Souji knows that he should have made her leave that after fateful night, he knows that he REALLY should have made her leave after she got her revenge, he knows that he shouldn't have let himself develop feelings for her, but then he kissed her and now she's taking care of him, and he knows that it's far, far too late to convince her to return to her life as a girl.

83. Fulfilled

Most of the older women Sei has met only felt fulfilled once they were married AND had children; she understands that (to an extent...she has her limits), but she's certain that it just wasn't meant for her in this life.

84. Shame

It was common knowledge that Itou was shameless, but sometimes Souji wonders if the way _he_ lives is worse; after all, isn't hiding behind a giant secret and constantly lying much more shameful than telling the ugly (well, in Itou's case, creepy) truth?

85. Graceful

After Akesato told Yamanami Sei's secret, he couldn't help but notice just how graceful she truly was during practice, and whenever he caught Souji smiling in her direction, he was inclined to think that maybe he noticed, too.

86. Shining

Other than alcohol and women, the best way to get the troop hyped up was seeing the way Kondou's eyes shine whenever he gets excited about new recruits, new uniforms, or anything, really.

87. Content

It always puzzled the troop members how Souji could possibly be content with Sei having a lady on the side, but it wasn't any of their business, so they never asked (but DAMN, she must be_ beautiful_!).

88. Feelings

Just because nothing happened that night in Shimabara doesn't mean the same thing applied to other nights, and that was a secret they both hoped they would take to their graves; it was too bad that Saitou knew, after he had spotted them embracing, and could tell that something was different by the overly familiar way their hands flitted across each other's clothes.

89. Pleased

When Mabo showed Akesato that, after lots of practice, he was finally capable of writing in full sentences, she didn't hesitate to tell him just how happy she was, and that she was very lucky to raise such a smart boy.

90. Relief

Relief washed over Souji as soon as he rescued Sei from falling out of the tree, only to be replaced with an odd mix of entirely different feelings when he, _oh no_, felt and, _oh my god_, saw that her bindings had loosened.

91. I

"I am not a girl! I am a bushi!" It hurt Sei that she managed to convince everyone else of this, even Hijikata, but she would never be able to persuade Souji.

92. Zest

He would never actually say it, but Hijikata always did admire the zest for life Kondou had, and was thankful that at least one of them was usually optimistic about the future.

93. Tears

When it occurred to Sei why she had been throwing up every morning she cleaned the floors for the past two weeks, the tears she shed were not just because she was sad, but because she knew there was no way she could hide this, and she was unsure if she should tell Akesato, Matsumoto, or, god forbid, Souji.

94. Building

This wasn't exactly the life Sei and Souji had envisioned building when they were children, as she was living as a boy and he was sick, but every time they smiled at each other, it seemed good enough for them.

95. Optimistic

Akesato and Matsumoto remain optimistic that one day Sei and Souji will come to their senses and get married, only because they can't bear the thought of what might happen if they don't.

96. Thrilled

Harada was thrilled when Masa told him that she was having a baby, and was determined to be the best father he could possibly be, even if it meant leaving the Shinsengumi; fortunately for him, disagreements with Kondou made it an easy decision.

97. Dealing

For Mitsu and Kin, dealing with Souji's illness is a struggle; their father died the exact same way, and they wish more than anything that their baby brother would just come home with them.

98. Reflect

Sei hopes that whenever her final moments arrive and she reflects on her life, that she didn't disappoint Yuuma, her parents, and most importantly, Souji; she doesn't ask for much, so can't she have this _one_ thing?

99. Embarrassment

Once he noticed how much better she tasted than dango, Souji could hardly look at the sweet without blood rushing to his face.

100. Death

When they both acknowledged that they would much rather sacrifice themselves than have to watch the other one die, Sei and Souji considered that maybe, just maybe, the people who teased them about being "lovers" had a point.


End file.
